u muthafuckas want me to snap? well guess what? I’m back!/ blazin the track full attack n i package it after that. i’m a.. GOD!/ so get the fuck up out bidniss u witness the illest villain ta spit n rip it ta slivers./ givin em shivers cuz im froze wit no soul so cold/ loco fo sho give it a minute lemme thaw out/…. who’s raw now?… shut em all down/… feelin the flame n the fire burnin eternal/ im the kernal u niggaz aint hot enough. take a pause. wow./ from the beginning i knew i had to kill it cuz im a murderer/ servin these sewer spitters they shittin but im jus murkin em/. maybe thats the reason the industry steady dissin me/ u look n u see visibly that im causin em mizery/ fillin em up wit pain leavin bloodstains bang bang! makin brains hang. never gonna stop until they kno my name/ my main thang say dang babe u slaughter fools/ choppin em up. these bodies keep stackin call that the slaughter pool/ u wanna join? u feelin froggy? u croak nigga! step to the mic n i guarantee that u choke nigga!/ aint got no lyrics u serious? u a joke nigga!!!/ sinkin u niggaz… now thats rockin the boat nigga!!!
Hopefully you take this as the constructive criticism that I intend it to be. As a fan of Hip-Hop, personally, I respect an Emcee more when he doesn’t throw the word “Nigga” around like he’s handing out jolly ranchers. Aside from that, it would appear that you have a pretty basic grasp of poly-syllabic rhyming, which is always good, I would definitely entice you to continue writing, practice makes perfect and all of that shit.