Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Just little verse i wrote...my first one

  1. #1
    Senior Member Mr.Pound's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    382

    Just little verse i wrote...my first one

    I guess I just got a little bored. Ive never actually really attempted to write rap seriously until now. yeah i had a pretty rough childhood and I just thought that maybe i could show that through rap... Let me know what you guys think.

    Its called "One of these Days"

    POSSIBLE VERSE 1?
    One of these days..
    I want a life with a family
    One that I can live with and still keep all my sanity
    Can it be that what im dreamin' is
    Just another fantasy
    This life that I am seeking
    Just a dose of vanity
    A calamity
    And a sense of fate
    To reclaim this senseless hope
    And regain the relentless joke
    And to cope with this life at the end of a tightened rope
    I begin to choke
    I keep telling myself that the coast is clear
    Life will get better from here
    God will grab the rudder and start to steer
    My heart is full of fear
    And this life's been the same for years
    God isn't here
    Was god the one that guided
    My fathers fists into the face of my mother
    as she screamed at my older brother to dial the number?
    After seeing my bloody and beaten mother hold back my father
    Long enough for these men in blue uniform to burst through the door
    And throw my dad on the floor I couldn't just ignore.

    POSSIBLE CHORUS
    The emotions all let go
    And theirs no control
    Like an overflow
    I begin to sow
    This fate I reap
    And this hate I keep
    Built within my mind
    It's a different kind
    Than your used to
    Let alone the kind you seek
    And the type you speak

    So just let it go
    And move on to the next show
    Cuz one of these days you might just know
    that its more than just hate its actually fate...

  2. #2
    Sounds good but it's more of a poem then a rap. If you want to make it a song you got to write to a beat and get the bars straight or else it'll sound like random talk that rhymes but doesn't really have a rhythm. Good shit though. Also, try using more complex rhyme schemes.

Similar Threads

  1. Filthy verse I just wrote, feedback appreciated
    By BMC in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-18-2013, 11:44 AM
  2. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-04-2011, 05:24 AM
  3. Who Wrote This Verse - GAME
    By D rick in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 01-16-2011, 07:29 PM
  4. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-29-2010, 08:31 PM
  5. The Real - A 16 Bar Verse I Wrote
    By E.Wills in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12-31-2009, 09:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •