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Thread: Opinions on my lyrics? (A different verse)

  1. #1

    Opinions on my lyrics? (A different verse)

    Once again. "I'm too broke to afford recording equipment. So, all I can do is write and recite. I've been writing with my brother for at least 3 years now. I never really took it seriously until now. I just want to know your guys' honest opinions on my lyrics. Any feedback would be appreciated (positive or negative)."

    This is a verse I wrote for a song I plan on doing with other local rappers about my state (Massachusetts).

    "I'm an asshole who grew up in Massachusetts.
    For the massholes, I spew out rancid fluids.
    Deadly visions rise and you're learning fast.
    Heavy hitting grind that'll hurt your back.
    Ready written lines that'll burn the track.
    Catch me spitting rhymes in the Murda Mass.
    AKA the Baystate. Now it's time to face fate.
    You're terrible like daterape, while I'm hot like playmates.
    Better not cry or hate when you're in the 508
    Or else you'll die today and then your soul will fly away
    You're in bad condition like you're missing penicillin.
    Cause I'm vicious with these writtens. Killing bitches like they're kittens.
    I'm underground styling. Beat you with a violin.
    Lyricists are rioting. The few who really try to spit.
    Rappers out there grinding big. When they have no pride in it.
    Rap, we're reviving it. That's why I put my life on it.
    "

    (The violin line's there because the beat is mostly violins. Also, before people start calling me a hypocrite, I made another thread because the other one turned into a semi argument and I didn't want to confuse the readers with 2 different verses.)

  2. #2
    Senior Member J9X's Avatar
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    HEY!!! use the searchbar. haha

  3. #3
    YOU BASTARD!!!, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by J9X
    HEY!!! use the searchbar. haha

  4. #4
    Any opinions?

  5. #5
    BUMP

    Quote Originally Posted by Fofy
    Any opinions?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Jerm's Avatar
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    pretty good. I like ur use of multis in the beginning and some of ur similes. I had to look up what a "masshole" was though... lol.

  7. #7
    A person from Massachusetts. lol Thanks for the feedback. I've been experimenting with multis so I can incorporate them into more serious rhymes. For the most part I've been just writing lyrical randomness as you can tell with this verse.

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D.
    I had to look up what a "masshole" was though... lol.

  8. #8
    BUMP, because this forum is dead at the moment.

  9. #9
    yeah, it made me laugh. There needs to be TRT9 rap battles (text and/or audio).

    Quote Originally Posted by nokaoi
    ill merk u let satan carry u off into the pits of hell
    now i gotta bury you cause your corpse pits start to smell

    you put your life into it so i guess i must take it away

    now aint u wishin you would done something better with your yesterday



    fofy im sorry i fucked up ya thread

    but just let me do it or

    your better off dead

    bow down to the things thats said

    or ima come back and chopp the fro off ya head





    not personal but i read ya stuff and it inspires me to write my own but it always goes to the battle rap shit



    hope u can laugh at it

    Quote Originally Posted by Fofy
    BUMP, because this forum is dead at the moment.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Smoke's Avatar
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    well that was..... cough cough my opinion is well..... im not gonna say but don't EVER put a period in your rapping

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