Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 44

Thread: Opinions on my lyrics?

  1. #1

    Opinions on my lyrics?

    I'm too broke to afford recording equipment. So, all I can do is write and recite. I've been writing with my brother for at least 3 years now. I never really took it seriously until now. I just want to know your guys' honest opinions on my lyrics. Any feedback would be appreciated (positive or negative).

    This is a verse I wrote to the beat of "Touch It (Remix)" (Busta Rhymes). It's just 16 bars of random lyrical flows.

    "(Get low Fof')
    Put an O between the 58. A flow for me to violate.
    Feel the floors vibrate from the beat's high bass.
    Smoked a blunt to my face. Can't you see that I'm baked.
    Get the fuck out my face. Now you got me irate.
    (Turn it up)
    I'm coming with flows that are doper than reefer.
    I'm fly like a griffin. You're more stupid than Peter.
    Hit harder than the bass coming out these speakers.
    Spit harsher than the smoke rising out 3-liters.
    (Get low Fof')
    I lyrically smash fags who claim that they're all that.
    When they're really all wack. Belongs in a trash bag.
    I'm everywhere like ballcaps. You're hard to see like small rats.
    Your ass better fall back unless you want to fall flat
    (Turn it up)
    Better pay to stay just like a parking meter.
    Or You'll fade away as i lyrically eat ya.
    Eat a lame a day cause I'm a vicious creature.
    Better stay away or I'll repeatedly beat ya."

    Let me know what you think. I'm going to bed.

  2. #2
    Senior Member b-rock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,092
    Its really good to me. lol at the Get low Fof

  3. #3
    Senior Member Neville's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    280
    actually pretty good man. lol " im flyin like a griffin you more stupid than peter, get low fof." but really its pretty dope keep at it man

  4. #4
    Senior Member RainDollaz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    4,305
    u should record it man!! i like it! u can get u a music program off ebay for like $50 and down. u dont need nothing outta this world to record wit!!

  5. #5
    Senior Member RainDollaz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    4,305
    i'll add to it!!

    (get low rain..)
    ok foul me i'll step to the line like a free throw //
    right across from the show me state so show me bro //
    mr dollaz so cocky spendin random money a couple c-notes //
    im tryna tell u honey the nigga u wit..he's just a zero //

    (turn it up)

    WHY WOULDNT I BRING HEAT..U NIGGAZ BEEN COLD BEEN SHIVERIN' //
    WAITIN FOR THE WARMTH OF THIS NEW AGE DELIEVERIN //
    SPINKLIN..SALT ON THE WOUNDS IVE RE-OPEN //
    RAIN DOLLAZ STILL COMMIN SOON THEY NOT KNOWIN //

    (get low rain..)

    but ima try to not be too flashly //
    i see em made at me cause im fly and they ashy //
    fuckin wit the trina's all the way to the ashley's //
    black white latina even asian's wanna ask me //

    (turn it up)
    HOW THE HELL I GET THEM SHOES THAT JUST GLOW ON THE SPOT //
    I CLICK EM ONE TIME LIKE DORTHY AND I SHINE UP THE BLOCK //
    A KANSAS NIGGA SO THEY THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO SHIT //
    NOW I GOT EVERYONE IN SHOCK CAUSE THEY LOVE MY SHIT //

    Rain Dollaz lol im just messin around!!

  6. #6
    Senior Member J9X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,337
    oh shit fofy's a rapper? shnapps!!

  7. #7
    Once I record this shit I want you to spit this verse on it, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rain Dollaz
    i'll add to it!!


    (get low rain..)

    ok foul me i'll step to the line like a free throw //

    right across from the show me state so show me bro //

    mr dollaz so cocky spendin random money a couple c-notes //

    im tryna tell u honey the nigga u wit..he's just a zero //



    (turn it up)



    WHY WOULDNT I BRING HEAT..U NIGGAZ BEEN COLD BEEN SHIVERIN' //

    WAITIN FOR THE WARMTH OF THIS NEW AGE DELIEVERIN //

    SPINKLIN..SALT ON THE WOUNDS IVE RE-OPEN //

    RAIN DOLLAZ STILL COMMIN SOON THEY NOT KNOWIN //



    (get low rain..)



    but ima try to not be too flashly //

    i see em made at me cause im fly and they ashy //

    fuckin wit the trina's all the way to the ashley's //

    black white latina even asian's wanna ask me //



    (turn it up)

    HOW THE HELL I GET THEM SHOES THAT JUST GLOW ON THE SPOT //

    I CLICK EM ONE TIME LIKE DORTHY AND I SHINE UP THE BLOCK //

    A KANSAS NIGGA SO THEY THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO SHIT //

    NOW I GOT EVERYONE IN SHOCK CAUSE THEY LOVE MY SHIT //



    Rain Dollaz lol im just messin around!!

  8. #8
    lemme at it

    get low duke

    Duke plus an i e means im shittin hits nightly/
    an example of fuckin off the competition when spittin drums tightly/
    summon cuz right in the white tee ,me go loko fo nikeez,/
    gold ropes and that ice freeze get swiped when hes striking/

    turn it up chris

    I LOVE BATTERIN THE BICKERIN BITCHES AND BEND EM TILL THE BOUGH BREAKS/
    NO CHATTERIN JUST CLICKIN THE CANNON CAUSIN CALAMITY MAKE EM COW CAKES/
    BEEF GETS BURNED N BROILED A BEAST IS WHAT I BE WHEN BEEF IS BROUGHT TO MY PLATE/
    PITCHIN PENNIES PIERCING THE PLACE PICKED FOR YOUR PUNY PITIFUL MINDSTATE/

    get low duke

    im just tryin to teach u children the real meanin of street edicate/
    the meaning of murderous nouns and verbs wrapped inna subject and a predicate/
    the feelin you get when the chills hit from the sickest shit i represent/
    and kill em off when the tempo hit like grendel with his temple split/

    turn it up chris

    SO DONT BE STEPPIN TO THE MONSTER WITH NOTHING BUT A PRAYER HOMIE/
    GET GOBBLED UP AND SHIT OUT LIKE A FORK AND BIB IS STAYIN ON ME/
    SHOWIN THE LEAST TO THE MANY HOW TO KEEP A MEAL WHILE STAYIN HUNGRY/
    EXXPLODING THE TRACK LIKE DYNAMITE WHILE THE LOCOMOTIVE IS AND STILL RUNNING/

  9. #9
    man that shit is pretty fresh dude no lie some things on it sounds like disses but it mite jus be my dumbass self thinkin that

  10. #10
    It's just what rhymed and worked the best for me. I go through a lot of trial and error to assure that my verses are on beat and flow good.

    Quote Originally Posted by BloodShed Da Juggalo
    man that shit is pretty fresh dude no lie some things on it sounds like disses but it mite jus be my dumbass self thinkin that

Similar Threads

  1. Opinions!
    By Druiz in forum Site Q and A
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-03-2012, 04:17 AM
  2. New Lyrics (Only Lyrics no Audio) Entitled "Who The F-3825 ARE YOU!"
    By Jeff Estes in forum Rappers/ Singers/ Producers
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-14-2012, 12:36 AM
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11-08-2011, 02:16 AM
  4. opinions.
    By Halii in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-19-2010, 08:51 AM
  5. Opinions on my lyrics? (A different verse)
    By Fofy in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-10-2009, 03:36 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •