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Thread: constructive critisism dont hold back i need all the advice i can get

  1. #1

    constructive critisism dont hold back i need all the advice i can get

    i close my eyes

    to my surprise

    im paralized

    to the lies the world supplies

    so i go get high to try to hide from my own pride

    and the day i get that fatal ride to heavens side

    if i go will yall even remember me

    or will forget that you ever knew A . X . E.

    this is a struggle i often battle with eternally

    the thought of being forgotten fucks me up mentally got me shaken viciously

    do you know how it feels to wanna shut down

    walk around with your clown smile painted into a frown

    and the town that you live in dont give a shit

    they wanna see your throat slit laying dead in a ditch with your chick

    the world is sick

    dont think the madness will ever quit got girly ass niggas lookin and actin like a bitch

  2. #2
    Junior Member Klown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Its coo my nigga

  3. #3
    Junior Member Jason56's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    very nice, i like it.

  4. #4
    thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Klown
    Its coo my nigga

  5. #5

  6. #6
    Senior Member RainDollaz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    yeah its good!

    if you dont mind let me spit a couple lines //
    cause time waits for no man even in his prime //
    im..waitin for words from a higher bein //
    cause mentaly im fucked like a whores inseem // (kat)
    could this world that we live in only be a dream //
    if so wake me up b4 its over im tired of seeing //
    rain..painted b4 me like an illistrated illoution //
    fake smiles on peoples faces when they see my innovated intrusion //
    50 said it best "i use big words but i cant spell em" //
    the hunted becomes the hunter and i can smell em //
    grind it out till the end thats what i tell em //
    steal from the rich back to the poor to help em //
    we on two different sides of life man but still feel the pain //
    friends become enemies no longer can chill the same //
    i'll leave a verse for even when the pages desolves //
    the words will stay cause that day even the words evolves//

  7. #7
    Yeah you both sound good; Edmunds if you want some criticism I would say you should throw a hook in there somewhere to break up the repitition, and try to paint a picture with your lyrics. You already started to do that, just go more into it. Don't be afraid to get personal.

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