alot of people said to give it another shot and start from scratch lemme no what you think about this one obviously its way to short i understand that but i didnt want to put alot of work into it if it was another retry. I will post up all 3 versions of my rough drafts and please tell me which one is worth working off of - this one i posted about and i was told to redo - let me no about this one - let me no about this one as well

Thanks guys i really appreciate the criticism