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In Abusive Relationship, One Fan Finds Solace In The Music [Fan Feature]

Published: February 5, 2015 in Tech N9ne by

Tech N9ne Fan Feature

It’s one thing to successfully get out of an abusive relationship and yet another thing to rebuild after you’ve escaped. In fan Laurie Osterman’s case, she’s managed to accomplish one and is currently working on the other, and her future has never looked brighter.

Abuse is an insidious cycle that often initially poses as an isolated incident. The abuser might apologize, swear that he or she was upset, that they knew it was wrong and that it will never happen again. After having already fallen in love with the abuser, the victim will usually err on the side of forgiveness. One of the most unfortunate things about abuse is that it often happens to the helpless, the dependent, and the disarmed. Victims are conned into love and then pay the price for their belief in what turned out to be an illusion.

Sometimes, either through circumstance, a support group or sheer willpower, a victim can break free from abuse and develop the agency of a survivor. Fan Laurie Hasterman is one of those fortunate individuals. It would turn out that her favorite rapper would be the one that was able to lift her spirit after it had been crushed for so many years.

Laurie had met her would-be husband at the tender age of 14. Still young and naive, she was ill-equipped to handle the predatory nature which would ensnare her in a relationship that would go on for decades. “I was fooled all the way,” she recalls.

What started as a relationship of codependency grew worse and worse over the ensuing years. “The abuse was so extreme that it had come to a point where I wasn’t myself. I was lost. I couldn’t think for myself,” Laurie says, echoing a common malaise that overtakes victims of abuse. When drugs entered the picture, it inevitably made things worse. “Drugs was a big part of it. I was experimenting myself. Nothing major but I was drugged myself. It just made it a bad situation.”

Years passed and children eventually entered the picture, further complicating an already tumultuous situation. It would be a situation that involved one of the kids that finally pushed Laurie to say “Enough.”

“We had been married for 15, 20 years and he shared a story with me about an abuse situation on our son, and that’s when it started clicking in my head that I needed to find a way to get out. I’m getting older. I need a home. I needed somewhere to go. My kids were troubled by him from the abuse and so I just started preparing myself that if it gets bad and this stuff doesn’t stop I have to be settled. I have to have a home to live in.

“The final point was when he basically kidnapped me and brought me in the middle of nowhere and threatened to kill me and then did it again. He started threatening my life. Throughout our history it was all ‘I was raised this way. I don’t know how to control it. Maybe we should go to counseling,’ or whatever, but he changed. He said ‘Yes I am able to and will kill you.’ That’s when I decided that I needed to get out because he’s got no remorse anymore.”

In the midst of her turbulent situation, she came upon the one emcee with the music to help her through hard times: Tech N9ne. Laurie recalls how she came upon Tech’s music during a terrible stretch:

“My son and I had things in common. We’d listen to music and did stuff together. We’d talk to each other about our problems. One night I was at his house. I had been a strong, faithful person, but the abuse was coming to the point where I was questioning God. The abuser was using the Bible to abuse me and make me feel condemned. I went to my son’s house one night after going through a bunch of BS with him. My son told me ‘Mom, listen to this song,’ and he put on ‘Hope For A Higher Power’. Ever since then I was hooked.

K.O.D., I love that album. Sometimes when I was booted out of the house I would sit at the lake in my car and just listen to music all night long – K.O.D. especially. It seemed to describe some of the actions my ex did to me.”

Laurie explains how a brooding album how K.O.D. helps during the dark hours

“Abuse can be a spiraling vortex type of thing and how can you just listen to a happy song to get out of it? At some point I just can’t be happy. If a happy memory comes along, tears will flow. You feel like an oddball. If you have something you can connect with then you can know that you’re not the only one. You’re not an oddball. You don’t need to hide. You’re not the only one suffering this kind of thing so let it out. I’d sing along with it and let it out.

There are evil situations in the world and if you get tied into it you feel like an outcast, so if you have something to connect with that helps.”

During the abuse, Laurie had a meeting with one of her favorite rappers that would prove to be a desperately needed boost to her soul.

“I’ve met Tech N9ne several times. I go to any VIP possible. I’ll tell you about that night. My oldest son didn’t know it but, well he had gone to a Tech N9ne concert in Bismarck and gave Tech his phone so I got to talk to him on the phone. Then I wanted to go to one of his concerts. He was playing in Billings. I was still with my husband and I didn’t want to tell him. Other concerts that I’ve gone to, he’d let me go but when I came home I’d gotten in trouble, so I just kept it from him.

“I had my youngest son living with me and about three days before the concert the ex went psycho and I got beat terribly. My son and I fought him off and he was arrested and put in jail. Three days later we go to a Tech N9ne concert and I didn’t tell my oldest my oldest son because he has been my protector and I didn’t want him to know because I didn’t want to ruin the concert. I was bruised from head to toe. I went to shake Tech’s hand because I didn’t want to get hurt and he grabbed me and hugged me. It felt great. It made me feel like I existed again.”

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Laurie is now living in Eastern Montana, being a mother and grandmother to her two sons and their children. She’s also focusing her efforts on photography, promotions and music, wanting to bring hip hop and music to Montana, where only few acts come to visit (including Strange Music).

When asked if she had any words for women who think they might be in an abusive relationship, Laurie had this to say:

“I got an opinion from my ex’s daughter-in-law, and unless there’s a miracle or something, once you’re an abuser you’re always an abuser. I thought that was a little judgmental from her but I’m beginning to believe that. One small thing, unless you’ve fixed it from the beginning and it never happens again, fine, but I just don’t believe that. I believe one time and that’s it, you’re done. I would never put up with it again.”

When asked if there was anything she’d like to say to Tech N9ne, Laurie had this to say:

“Well starting off I’d tell him sorry for being such a nervous fool whenever I meet with him (laughs). But they mean a lot to me. Thank you. Thank you for being close to his fans. Thank you for putting out beautiful music. The impression that I have is that he’s suffered pain also and fights every day to make the day better for him and his loved ones. That’s my same philosophy. What’s more important than your families and taking care of them and yourself and trying to make better for yourself every day? I lived with so much depression and I tried to fight it all along: ‘Why are you depressed? Why are you depressed?’ Like me, Tech N9ne, I’m under the impression that he fights that. He says that in his lyrics. He knows he has angels and demons inside of him but he’s fighting those demons every day. I appreciate that he shares the same philosophy.

“I just hope that Strange Music keeps putting out good music and helping people. Don’t stop!”

ILOOKTIRED

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me and TECHN9NE2

  • Have you ever found yourself in a situation like Laurie’s? How did you handle it?

Let us know in the comments section below.

  • Patrick Perotti

    Amazing story. anyone that abuses a woman is a coward.
    strange music for life

  • Numbface

    Dang, this sorta reminds me of my story although her’s is way more intense. Back in high school I fell into a dark place. I fell in love with this one chick and I became mildly obsessed with her. She was my friend and I did something stupid and she just stopped talking to me. I was angst ridden and depressed, so I started listening to more hip hop for and rapping for therapy. I gravitated heavily to the dark side of the genre, albums like Tech N9ne’s K.O.D., Swollen Members’ Balance and Black Magic, Eminem’s Marshall Mather’s Lp, and some darker old school tracks like Deep Cover by Dr Dre, Ambitionz Az A Ridah by 2pac. But it’s all good now.

  • Tiffany spencer

    Tech is a savior weather he knows it or not, just by telling the world his problems and proving that it’s possible to survive. through those tragedies and deaths and never ending battle with your demons. I loved tech before I was a broken soul, but now that im older and my eyes are open to the evils of the world, some days, all it takes is that one song to keep me out of the darkness. Thank you tech. Thank I you for existing and for pushing forward. Your a true inspiration and I hope one day ill be lucky enough to meet you and share my story.

  • Danielle Trujillo

    Just got out of hell myself. It’s hard to maintain righteousness when someone you love is mopping the floor with you. This is so crazy to me that this article came upon my Facebook from one of my street team members, on this day exactly. My first day in years to finally see myself clearly. Bet your ass tech’s music helped me ask the right questions, wake me up and do the right thing for my own health and well being. for the past two days, every time I got in my car, Happy ending, One good time and I am everything, fully put my mind right and gave me the strenghth to grab ahold of my own life and finally involve the police for safety and assistance. When I go to tech shows….those are my people, the only place I feel like I can take the football gear off and breathe. He is always so kind and respectful to me whenever I see him and the way it felt to have him hug me the day after his mom passed, was a hellish day for me too. Thank god that show was a safe place to go. Thank you strange music and Tech N9ne for exsisting. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without you.

  • Amy Stewart

    Hi, my name is Amy. I’m from Butte, Montana, originally, but I reside in a happy place called San Diego, California. Many of people has heard, been through it as well, and I have been through it. I’m talking major issues here. Growing up in a small town, I had big dreams, and all. Until it got shut down by someone so important to me, my biological father. I didn’t understand why I was so trouble as some might say. I came to terms with it when I was 15, but who would believe in a 15 year old girl? So I had to play the game until one day, I got tired of it. Until, I knew I had enough, and enough was enough to drive me to make a rational adult decision, when all I wanted was someone to protect me. When was it enough? I was sexually molested by my biological father for 12 years from ages 7-18. I didn’t realize everything until I was 15 and so I waited. I waited until my biological father had told me to my face that he would rather rape me than beat on me. Either then and there I knew what had to be done. So Iade the call to join a group, not just any group. A group that would still deem harmful. I was planning on applying for the bunny ranch. When my father found out. He was livid. He even told me if I wanted to be a whore, that if he would pay $500 I would have to have sex with him. All I knew was he wanted me close and under his control. So I got out of his control, and onto someone else’s control, the government. I failed the first asvab, but passed my second time. My biological father was livid at the fact I’d be joining the military too. I didn’t care, because I needed to get away. Even when I joined the military, my father still continued to control me, even lewd sexual acts as well. I was scared, so I decided to confide in a friend that was also friends with my biological mother. He said go to the police, but I was still uncertain about it. So I told my Drill Sergeant and he took me to the police station and JAG and the National Guard in Fort Harrison in Montana. They helped me get on my feet by allowing me to stay afloat. Then once I turned my biological father in, he was incarcerated for my whole term of Basic training and A IT. I was so concentrated on trying my hardest to keep my mind busy, but I was due in court to testify against my biological father. It was when I was in A IT when certain Sergeants didn’t seem to care about my ongoing situation. So I hit rock bottom. I couldnt hack it. Plus I was hurt with stress fractures on my tailbone in the military and my overall health was in terrible condition. So I got chaptered out of the military. I also was just in time to see my biological father get sentenced. As that came and gone, I was in search of myself. So I moved, not to gwt away, but to start a new life. Once I made myself a new home, I was almost broke and nowhere to turn to. That’s when It my husband. We been together through alot of things for 5 years. During this time, I’m still not on speaking terms with my biological family. Come to find out, the sexual molestation goes back in the family from my grandfather. Continuing the cycle of abuse. I tried to be proactive with them by applying for Dr Phil show to help. My biological brother basically blames me for everything, as well as my biological mother. I knee in my heart that they were against me too, but it hit me hard once I realized it all. So overall with the relationship part with my husband. At first, there’s was physical altercations, not now. There’s verbal altercations, but we keep them to a minimal because I was diagnosed by the military with ptsd, adjustment disorder, and borderline personality disorder. So we are working on that together. What kept us close was we got our car stolen and was in the a 3 year lawsuit for it. So, we went to a concert that sucked, so I chose to go to a tech n9ne concert. My husband said that since I haven’t had a ladies night out, I could go with my girlfriend( not anymore). So I let loose here in San Diego, and got drunk and flashed my titties. At first IL was hesitate until tech n9ne said it was ok when he called me out. When I was drunk, I felt alive, free of control from my past because even though i was drunk, i felt it was ok. However, it didn’t go over with my husband. He was livid that I’d show off my boobs in the first place. If I respected him as a man, I wouldn’t have done that. Then again, I was drunk. I’m a lightweight. So after about about week of animosity towards what I had done, I was deeply sorry for my crazy behavior. Though, later on he finally realized that I was drunk abound my inability to have control was gone. Though he did realized that it was ok; only because it was the song and I was able to let go of my past. Since then, we have been closer than ever. Even through all the bullshit, we still together. Thanks toy crazy behavior at Tech n9ne concert. I would have loved to meet Tech N9ne and thank him for believing in himself and his fans, especially from me. Here’s the article about my situation. https://www.courtlistener.com/opinion/889935/state-v-stewart/

  • Amy Stewart

    I agree, you should read my post.

  • Baby D

    This article made me burst in tears…
    My heart thumpin so hard I had to go outside…
    I haven’t cried in so long… it’s been years..
    For me it’s hard to talk about the similarities in this story, because there’s so many similar situations it’s almost difficult not to relate to this story..
    I went through abuse as a kid,
    Having a alcoholic/tweaker for a dad it always ended bad…
    My mother, sister and brother got it too..
    To this day my dad still gets drunk and tries to fight me like I am a man…
    But I think what really hits me about this story is not my dad…
    My ex… man…. it’s hard but I’ll try to explain as much as I can handle… I would always do something wrong, I would violate, or unintentionally disrespect him, or push his buttons to where I would get it 10 fold….
    Sadly… ok….
    I’ve been left for dead, choked almost to death, suffocated til I blacked out/passed out, I have vision loss in both of my eyes, spinal problems from being kicked repeatly and brain damage…
    But… after all this time, I saved his freedom numerous times not because he deserved it, but because my father made me take an othe as a child, which was don’t tell, don’t speak..
    So I started doing drugs to drown out the pain I felt, physically and mentally…
    I cut my hair off, because I was tired of him grabbing my hair to pull me down, or pull me into the passenger seat like the one day he tried to beat me to death in my own car… I blacked out, and the only thing I remember is EBAH… Tech’s scream… The entire time I was getting beat. I still close my eyes and get goosebumps when I hear that song, and that scream to this day… Everytime we would get into it, he wouldn’t let me leave the house, the car, anywhere.. Could I scream…? What do you think… Do you think that would have been a good idea…

    So… here I am. I’m alive…. We are broke up, I stopped doing drugs and I’m trying to get my life straight once again…
    When you give someone your all, and just like lil mama did with her marriage, you fall in love with not the bad parts but the few good parts of that person. I’m going to be honest, yes I still love him.. But the only reason I still do is because the good parts of him, were so good, but then when it’s bad.. in his head it’s war… Not only that the drugs don’t help his brain from thinking straight…
    Do I love him enough to go back…
    No. He will never change, I thought he would before this point, but no.
    Unfortunately just like lil mama said, once an abuser, they will always be an abuser…
    So… all I can say is one of the hardest things in life is staying with someone like that, let alone leaving them…
    And at the end, I don’t want a pity party, I don’t want sympathy, I cried this one good
    Time, becuase I thought I was alone…
    But I’m not…
    Whether your a man or a woman, and you’ve gone through this… all I can say is…..
    “If there is a final hour, let’s hope for a higher power…”

  • Persephone Keres

    I was forced into prostitution when I was 9 years old. Tech and Krizz have saved my life more times than I can count.

  • Elizabeth Denise Leggin

    3 years ago I met a man, fell in love with him and became a “mother” of sorts to his 3 year old son. I would help raise his son for the next 2 years, in this time I discovered I was pregnant with my only child, a girl. I never told a soul the hell I endured during this time with this “man”. I was beaten and raped every single night I was pregnant with her. All I had to breathe every day was the thought of giving birth to her and raising his son. 5 and a half months into my pregnancy, he raped and beat me so bad I miscarried. I lost my girl at the hands of this remorseless assclown. I would become homeless from then until July of 2015. Through all of this hell I endured, I had Strange Music to help me at the lowest days of my life. All I wanted was to live long enough to see the Sun one last time and thank God I have. I celebrated my 40th birthday when I met Tech and Krizz in Arlington Heights this past September, I got the chance to tell Tech * my #FearlessLeader * how much his music helped me and got me thru. I finally got to smile, truly smile from my soul. I laughed with Tech and Krizz and had a blast at my first show.

    When you are at the lowest point in your life, there is a better day. Hang in there. The voice of Tech and Krizz helped me stay strong. Thank you!!

    Sincerely,
    Number 1 StrAngel,
    Denise

  • Elizabeth Denise Leggin

    Thank you Tech and Krizz!!!

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