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‘K.O.D.’ – Fans Reflect With Stories Of Struggle And Inspiration

Published: October 17, 2012 in Tech N9ne by

‘K.O.D.’ – Fans Reflect With Stories Of Struggle And Inspiration

For an album said to be Tech N9ne’s darkest, K.O.D. ironically signaled a turning point in the lives of many and inspired them to recover from the curve balls that life had thrown their way.

In anticipation of Tech N9ne’s Boiling Point, we decided to give Technicians a platform to share their stories and remind us what the power of music can do.

From addiction to the loss of loved ones, these individuals have shown an immense amount of strength and perseverance, much of which was fueled by Tech N9ne’s open-book narratives on K.O.D.

We never imagined just how much of an impact this album truly had.

These are their stories, in their own words.


Jessyka Winters Submission

Hi my name is Jessyka

I seen that your wanting stories on if and how TECH N9NE’S KOD album helped get us fans through hard times and that’s EXACTLY what KOD did for me, not just KOD but ALL of them! Tech sharing his hard times is what has ALWAYS helped me get through ALL my hard times..

Starting with a rollover car wreck back where the truck(added pic) i was in flipped 13-15x down a hill on I-470 HW heading to BlueSprings,Mo. I broke my pelvis n 4 spots, clavical, 4 ribs,ankle,lost my kidney,& had severe internal bleeding due to lacerations in my spleen,liver,pancreas, and gall bladder! I was all fucked up..the whole time being layed up, music is what got me through..But when KOD came out I had that shit on REPEAT because i was in and out of the hospital due to severe pain i kept having in my side right under my left tit.

I kept getting admitted for 1-3 days and they couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong so all they would do is get my vomiting and pain under control and then up my Oxycontin and Fentanyl and send my ass home. At one point I was living on eight 80mg OC’s a day, 100mg fentanyl patch, plus 7 other narcotics to TRY & control pain! I was very depressed and KOD was, in a way, my real medicine, the ONLY thing that was healing or helping in any way!

Knowing he was going through hard times also made me feel connected to him in a way and it helped.. After about 2 weeks I ended up having surgery, they removed my gall bladder and appendix-I even spent 3 days in ICU for internal bleeding after that b/c something didn’t heal up after surgery and i was only allowed my music, without it i would have went crazy!! I found out a few days later that surgery & all I went through was for NO DAMN REASON b/c a specialist found out my problem the whole time was ‘Pancreatitus’ which i will deal with my whole life BUT when times get tough i will turn to TechN9ne and all the other StrangeMusicInc artists and I know their music will help get me through whatever, and I thank them for that 🙂


KOD was the first Tech N9ne Album I bought. I wasn’t really a Technician at the time, but I had really liked a lot of the music I heard from Tech from older albums. Killer, Everready, Misery Loves Company. But when K.O.D. dropped, I was going through an extremely tough time in my life. My father had abandoned me, I had been suffering from extreme suicidal depression from years of social abuse from classmates, parents, and other people.

When King of Darkness came out, I snapped it up first chance I got. When I first listened through it, I picked out the songs I really really liked. “Shadows On The Road”, “Low”, “Killing You” (which was kind of a guilty pleasure). I wasn’t at the time completely honest with myself or the people around me about my love of rap or hip hop and some of the lyrical content made me uncomfortable (being a teenager). But the more I listened to the dark and gritty tales of life, I felt an extremely deep connection with Tech. I drifted off to sleep many night to “Shadows On The Road”. Dreamt of the day K.O.D might come true and people could live in a world like that. The music acted almost like an outlet for my pain.

Being clinically depressed my whole life and feeling completely alone, it was a huge… comfort I guess to discover someone else who was going through the miseries of life. I never truly appreciated the album for what it was until years later. It actually took me hearing the song “Dysfunctional”, off Sickology 101 to truly make me take up the Technician flag. I went out and grabbed up every Tech Album I could get my hands on and immediately set out to learn the History of Strange Music.

Only in the last 2 years have I truly been able to appreciate all of Tech’s work being new to Rap. As I matured, I was able to fully take K.O.D. inside of me. The mistreatment and discrimination of a talented individual sends shockwaves in art. Every single verse written meant something huge to me. K.O.D. will always be what it felt in my mind, the peak of Tech’s work. Not to say his work since hasn’t been fantastic, but K.O.D was something really special. And it took alot of anger and pain to write those songs and make that album. I would not wish it on anyone. And I am glad he was able to turn it into the masterpiece he did. It was great to look to the present and see Tech having got out of that slump in his life and move on and get back to enjoying himself a little.

With Boiling Point on the Horizon, I wonder the severity of the pain he will give to us again. I would not wish it on him, but if he has to give it to us, I will be glad to have it. To this day I still listen to K.O.D. for relief. And the more time passes, the more my bond with that Album grows. I know I can always fall back on it when shit gets bad. Tech’s my hero for doing this. And if he’s going to do it again, it’ll only make me love him more for it.

Technician for Life

Yo Strange Music, Tech N9ne..just wanted to drop some words for why the K.O.D. collection means so much to me!.

Since 2007 i have been dealing with nothing but death, heartache, destruction, addiction, temptation, guilt, sin..whatever you want to call it. It started with losing my father to alchoholism in 2007…ppl keep tellin me my father was a pussy lush who dove into the bottle instead of getting professional help..yet they don’t understand the demons of addiction.

He passed away in the most tragic way possible, didn’t even remember who i was…then a year later i lost one of my best and closest friends to a tragic accident at the Robin Hood mill in Saskatoon. He fell 50 feet to his death…since then i’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and was living a life with a wall up.

“Show Me A God” and “Leave Me Alone” are two of the most powerful songs on K.O.D. in my opinion. They’ve been giving me a sense of security and well being and also gave me a sense of knowing that i’m not alone in these times of trouble. Even when i wanted to take my own life, I powered on and thanks to the blessing of my mother’s strength I’m living a healthy life and am more alive than ever. But every day I think about what kind of a person i would be had i not dealt with all these cards that we thrown my way at such a young age.

I thank Tech N9ne and the strange music crew for keeping music real and passing the message of strange music to the masses. You’ve definitely made a difference in my life through your music so thank you.


Sean Mauerhoff
Saskatoon Saskatchewan Canada


In January of 2011, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, meaning that the left side was smaller than the right. Her first open heart surgery lasted 15 hours with the doctor never leaving the room. We stayed in the waiting room all night. She had two more surgeries after that. We were called right after getting back to the hotel room one night.

We were told that we needed to come back to the hospital. The doctor met with us and told us that she wasn’t going to make it. Her body wasn’t taking over to control itself. Our little angel was only 22 days old.

“Show Me A God” by Tech N9ne was the song I turned to when I was pissed and trying to figure how He could take a baby. Listening to that song just always made me feel better. And it still does on some days.

Thank you Tech for such fantastic music.
Kelsey Peveto


When the album came was released, I purchased it as a Christmas gift for my nephew. My nephew was in a rehabilitation center recovering from gunshot wounds. His brother in law had beef and decided a gun was the best way to handle things. Bullets severed my nephews carotid and jugular veins, which it is miraculous he even survived. He spent over six months in recovery he suffered a stroke. He was 23 at the time, prime if life, good looking full of energy and a hard laborer. His and my families lives were forever changed, the stroke left him unable to speak and his right side paralyzed.

During this time both he and I spent alot of time listening to K.O.D, “Show Me A God,”was the song that hit home the most. I spent many days driving from city to city to be has side, most nights I would get drunk listening to the album in trauma. It is 3 years later, we still jam these songs like crazy he is still unable to speak. Things are tough, it pains me to seem him everyday, he has a long scar from his neck that encircles his skull, and that serves as a reminder that life is precious.

We are from a small town Las Vegas new Mexico so rehabilitation services are scarce. That album have me strength to carry on and yes I pretty much listen to tech religiously. Always a fan, for my nephew Jonas Montoya and myself Jessica Montoya, you will always be an inspiration to us.


In May of this year, my father ended up in the e.r. with very high fever. They found out what was wrong, they had to airlift him to a hospital that had more staff on hand to help him. Within the first few days in icu we had been told by specialists that he had endocarditis(causing all organs to shut down).

The doctors had him on so many antibiotics trying to get in under control. For the next few weeks we had him on life suppoet and induced into a coma state cause he was fighting everything.

On June 1 we had to take him off life support because his body and organs have officially shut down. The doctors said he had a few days left on this earth. On June 3rd 2012, I have lost my dad.

Since he got admitted, the only album that I played was K.O.D. and for the next few months thats all I listened to. That album made me understand that bad things happen to good people. That just his plan.

– Justin Sane


K.O.D. Has infact changed my life. I am a upcoming rapper from Long Beach, cali. All my life I felt different, like a black sheep. Music has been my only therapy throughout life. I am ashamed to say before now I have neva followed techs music but this past year a friend of mine took me to the Hostile Takeover 2012 Tour n it changed my life.

I immediately went home n did my research and I was blown away…songs from tech such as, “This Ring”, “Pinocchiho”, “Leave Me Alone”, “Far Away”, and Krizz Kaliko’s “Bipolar” have truly depicted my life, because of tech I am a better emcee today because I know WHO I AM as a emcee.

Tech inspires me to keep it real no matta how ugly the truth is and the fans will appreciate it. My ultimate dream would be to record a track wit Tech. The world deserves it.

#Strange #MemoirsOfAMadMan – blaklaz


Ok I’m not going to lie when K.O.D first came out I did not like it that much but then when my mother passed anyway in the summer of 2011.

I stated to understand where TECH was coming from with song like “Show Me A God”, “Leave Me Alone”, and “Low” cuz that was the darkest time of my life and during the rest of that summer that was all that I was listing to was K.O.D and I think if was not for your music Idk how I would have gotten through that summer so I just want to thank you Tech and all of strange music for all the music that you have done and I’m 17 by the way.

– Steven Hernandez


I can honestly say Tech N9ne has helped me through the hardest trials and darkest times I’ve had to date. Every album I find differnent kinds of therapy in, but K.O.D. always will be my first, and favorite Tech N9ne album. I found tech after Killer in 08, right after my Brother was diagnosed with brain cancer (after a year of mis-diagnosing).

When K.O.D. was released I was convinced that he made the album for me. The words, the intruments, every dark note that echoed from that album seemed to perfectly suit all the bitterness and anger building up in me. His music understood me, and in some ways, calmed me down. Knowing I wasn’t alone in fighting cancer for my family member brought me that much closer to Tech it felt. “Show Me A God” and “Low” was on repeat for so long my music player still shows it as top played. Having this album in my life was a turning point, an eye opening turning point that revealed a whole new level of music my then naive self then did not even fathom.

If I could tell Tech how much he’s done for me in his music, he’d have another album. There’s nothing like this CD, no comparison to the healing powers it can have, and absolutely no one better than the king of darkness.

– Erik Rittgarn


My name is Kat Gasseling and I am the definition of a Technician. Ive been listening to the great Tech N9ne for years now. Tech N9ne is by far my favorite artist for more than just his music, but because of the appreciation he has for his fans. No other artist is like that. He has inspired me and motivated me through his music on many occasions. But I have never been as affected by his music than when K.O.D hit the stores.

At first I couldn’t explain it, but the Darkness he speaks of I am all to familar with. Anxiety flowed through my veins and consumed me everyday. Painkillers made the problem go away until they wore off. I did bad things to the one I loved most and my inner light slowly faded to dark. While getting sober K.O.D gave me a sense of knowing that I am not alone. Because I desperately needed to know that there are others that are going through the same thing.

When sober, I discovered I truly am an Angel/Demon. My heart is full of love but my brain is full of hate. Tech N9ne wrote this album knowing people would criticize him for being more of a devil worshiper and that gave me comfort. Proving that those people who say that are ignorant and dont understand him at all. He wrote K.O.D in a dark time in his life just like I listened to it in a dark time in mine. To me, K.O.D was very inspiring simply because I was only 20 and now had started getting a grasp of who I am inside. An Angel/Demon. The songs I love the most are “Demons”, but really only Tech’s Part, “Horns”, “The Martini”, and especially “Shadows On The Road”. That song just clicked because I do know about shadows and darkness and they never go away and they sometimes like to show up and take over, but my angelic side proves stronger.

I will always support Tech N9ne, BUY his music, and spread his word. K.O.D is my favorite album and always will be, even though I love and I mean LOVE all his albums K.O.D just came out at the right time. And for that im internally grateful.

The Queen Of Darkness


NOTE: This blog will be updated weekly with new submissions.

Share your story with us by submitting to!

  • How has K.O.D. affected you?
Let us know in the comments section below!

  • All these stories are very emotional n im glad that some them got over there dark hole n im hopin for those that are still battlin with the hole. Be strong. If Tech can do it, then u can do it. Shit, yall stories got me beat. I started listen to Tech from a friend that posted a song on Facebook from Absolute Power called Constantly Dirty, n i’ve been listen ever since. When K.O.D came out i could relate to some of his darkness and helped with my pain. Now its probably gonna sound wack compared to the other ones but i started listen to K.O.D a lot more when my parents got divorced and they decided to go on n off wit there relationship cuz my mom wanted a dad figure or present at tha home. So they would be good, then shit would it tha fan n my dad would cheat n shit. Then mostly all my cousins were n still are addicted to herion. Some are battlin that demon and hopefully will recover but my other cuzins dont seem to get it. N with all that goin on plus some shit at school, K.O.D helped me alot. It made me want to do music, whether it be rappin or makin beats, either way i wanted to do sumthin that involved music. Tech im waitin for that Boilin Point EP to come out n cant wait. Your doin a great job and hope that everyone else will reconize ur talent n ability to chopp muthafukas up on tha stage n on tha mic. Keep doin u. 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing man, I’m glad you found something that helped.

  • Jalen Benjamin

    I, too, read all of these stories, and I couldn’t help wanting to share my experience as well. I’m 18 years of age and didn’t start listening to Tech N9ne until this past January. Before that, I had listened to a couple of his songs like “Dysfunctional,” “Demons,” and “I am Everything” (which is the first song I ever listened to by Tech N9ne) back in 10th grade, but I didn’t like rap until this year. After listening to “Demons” for about the 15th time since I first heard of him, I decided to take a chance and listen to his other songs but only after I bought the album first. I would have been taking a leap of faith otherwise, but I listened to “All 6’s and 7’s” just before I got “K.O.D.,” and I told myself, “I have to get the album where he’s talking about being an angel/demon. I want to know more of what he means by that.” I didn’t think it was going to be as dark an album as I now know because “All 6’s and 7’s” was moderately light in comparison.
    I was captivated from the very first song, “Show Me a God,” (I had a baby sister that died before she turned three weeks old, so I identify with the skepticism and anger in this song for good reason) and by “The Warning,” I realized that T9X was no ordinary rapper. To this day, I get chills from listening to “The Warning” followed by the intro of “Demons.” The atmosphere is so intense, but so honest. I thought I’d never hear something like that from rap or hip-hop music, and I started to love the art of the underground and the independent rap movements. I do like some mainstream rap now, but only if it’s by proven legends like Nas, Jay-Z, Eminem, etc, and I’ve even started to explore more of the old school other than just the Beastie Boys, Run-DMC, etc. Other artists talk about the most overused and superficial subjects, which I don’t think I have to really name because of how popular it all has become. I’m not saying any musician shouldn’t be able to talk about women or being the best in the game, but it gets so tiring to hear it for half of the album. A “Fuck Em’ Girl,” a “Freaky,” or a “Bite Me” is how such a song should be done, and it doesn’t even have to be as dark as the last two songs. Not to mention, most of these artists don’t have flow to their lyrics like Tecca N9na does.
    I could keep talking about Tech N9ne, but I’ll get into how he and “K.O.D.” relate to my struggles:
    I’ve suffered from social anxiety and low self-esteem since I was 12. I’ve been mostly down over the years and in my darkness, I’d turn to alternative, heavy, and death metal. While I respect this music and say proudly that I am a metalhead, even in death metal I haven’t heard something that was not only so dark but meaningful. Tech N9ne’s “K.O.D.” wasn’t ridiculous or used to make outlandish comedy. He meant it when he said he had a lot of darkness in him, and it took a lot for him to just make the album because he knew he would receive as a devil worshiper the Anti-Christ, or any other nonsense that could be further from the truth. It just shows that those people can’t appreciate what his music and who he is as a person.
    Very recently, my self-esteem and my sudden invisibility to my friends from my high school who are at the same college as me have caused me to start creative writing once more. I did a little in middle school, but not as much as I’ve done in the past few days. The main difference is not that I just stuck with it and kept writing poetry and songs, but I also was able to confront my own demons in the process. I know what T9X means by “E.B.A.H.” I have the best intentions – I’ll hold doors for a dozen people at a time, I say “Yes, ma’am,” and “No, sir,” I respect and pay attention to others when they are talking, and I’ll do favors for friends and even strangers without asking anything in return. However, it’s all been boiling over – Yes, I’m referencing “Boiling Point” – in my mind that people, particularly my friends, not only don’t care, but they ignore me. I am an introverted person, but I was taking the steps in college to make a change, to become a more well-rounded person, whether that was meeting new people or rekindling relationships with old ones. I’ve noticed since I’ve fallen down again that these people haven’t even tried to do the same. I have no enemies in any connotation of the word, so I’ve actually felt bad and thought that maybe they weren’t my friends at all.
    The good in this is that I’ve confronted my demons and have officially accepted them as a part of me, even on issues like like my own romantic and sexual desires. I never thought I was perfect, and that was most certainly because of my self-esteem, but even the lightest (nicest, most respectable) people have their shadows, their darkness. I wouldn’t have been able to realize that, confront it, or get better with Tech N9ne’s music and the “K.O.D.” series specifically. I have “K.O.D.” as well as “The Lost Scripts of K.O.D.” and “Seepage,” (which was really good), and I’ve pre-ordered my copy of “Boiling Point” with Tech N9ne’s signature, a first for me. Here’s to hoping this EP is as great as or even better than “Seepage.” I’ve been on this monologue for far too long, but I need to make sure to say my thanks to Tech N9ne and everyone at Strange Music – artists, staff, *and* employees, no matter the position within the company’s hierarchy. I love all of you guys for being able to make a difference in this one person’s, my, life. All of you are important to me.

  • QueenOfDarkness2190

    Thank you so so so so much for featuring me on you’re blog! It means the world to me! I am so grateful and its because of your love for you’re fans why you are my favorite artist!

    Technician for life!

  • Priest

    Thanks so much for the feature. It’s relieving to have your story told.


  • Priest

    Actually, the past 3 years had been such a blur that the year after my dad left, I had a thoracic aneurysm in the Azygos vein. It was a pretty rare case. It ended up collapsing my lungs and putting me in the hospital for 2 weeks. If I hadn’t gone to the hospital that night, I’d of died in my sleep. They originally thought I had Hodgekins Lymphoma because of an unidentified chest mass. They ended up going in for a biopsy and were about 60 seconds from jabbing it with a needle before they figured out that it was an Aneurysm and that would have caused me to bleed to death. I ended up getting lucky and after 3 months of sleeping 20 hours a day and spending my life in a Vicoden haze, they ended up doing a catherization surgery that ended up with the Aneurysm being cut off via small nickel-titanium alloy clips. The Aneurysm ended up solidifying and damaging the nerve clusters all throughout my back. To this day they still don’t know why the pain is still there. Ever sicne I woke up from surgery feeling like I’d been shot the pain hasn’t stopped. It’s been 3 years now. I ended up buying KOD a few months after I returned to school about half a year later. It helped me cope with the traumatization and the things that went along with it. In recent years I’ve developed PTSD from the bullying and abuse and living with the pain, it’s contributed to my depression and the suicidal tendencies that go along with it. The Lost Scripts of K.O.D. housed the one track that to this day, is probably one of my most played songs. Painkiller.

    “You can’t give me medical attention to ease my pain, sometimes I need something to relieve my brain. You may love your M.D., but he has none in store for me. So when the raining bores on me, my dream for Fillers. Painkiller.”

    I owe that song my life. All of K.O.D. has helped me survive these ordeals. But that song in particular was my last resort when things hit rock bottom.

    I wrote the first submission on a night when my depression was really eating at me and submitting my story really helped me deal with these things. Now I’m adding on to it.

    I really mean it, thank you so much for the feature. It’s the least I can do to give back to you guys for making this album for us.


    Technician for Life

  • eliv ohcysp

    Wow I thought I was the only person who felt K.O.D had a surreal meaning in their life……This album dropped at a time in my life when I’d just lost my wife because of unfaithfullness my daughter because her mom took italher too(still have’nt seen her)and both parents fighting cancer…..I attempted suicide one night(fail) good friend KnewI but whilein the hospital a really good friend knew I was a true Technician and bought it for me the first time I heard Low I almost cried because no song had ever had such significant meaning in my life…….Now I have K.O.D tatted said fuck being married and started my,never ending quest to find my daughter THANK YOU TECH!!!


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