The harrowing words, the evoked raw emotion, the dark abyss that swallows us whole, it’s a more common complexity of emotions, than some people think. Techs words seep in, they bleed through us, tear through our souls and sing us out of our darkest personal hell.
The roads we walk through in life no matter if they are well paved, or strewn with obstacles that might be hard for us to overcome, inevitably lead to the self-imposed question: “Will it ever get better?” Some just feel alone, some reach for help and some fall.
Wade Abbas of San Bernardino, CA comes from a hard walk of life. His parents divorced at an early age, and his mother wasn’t around much. He never knew why. No matter whom you are, this is never an easy life to live.
In Wade’s early 20s, he was going through a hard time, experimenting with meth, alcohol and heroin. This harsh lifestyle is never easy for families especially the ones that are closest to you. For Wade, his problems resulted in the loss of his girlfriend and their two beautiful children. A loss more painful then anyone can imagine unless you have experienced it yourself.
With the loneliness and the drug induced psychosis from lack of sleep, Wade was alone.
“I felt abandoned and excluded from the very people I had come to love. I did more drugs, but I couldn’t step away from it.”
After calling everyone he knew, desperate for someone, looking for support, he received no response. Wade was in tears after a friend told him, “Sounds like your dealing with stuff right now, so I’ll let you go.” He was reaching, but no one was there to catch him.
“I hung up the phone and loaded a bullet into my revolver. I went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and began sobbing harder than ever. There was music faintly playing from my laptop with drugs scattered into lines on top of it… I didn’t pay much attention. I put the revolver in my mouth, still crying, hurting, and that’s when I heard it.”
“I’ve been sitting here by myself thinking momma what have I become, all I wanted was family but when I look up, you’re the only one losing, losing everything but money, and I don’t even get to see my young.” (“Happy Ending, Killer)
Wade put the gun down.
Even to this day, as Wade wrote this email to me, the song like many others, still gives Wade chills.
“You know how it begins, but how does it end for me? Will I ever win, or does he have it in for me? Will this stop before I stop breathing? Is their light, in this dark I’m seeing?” (“Happy Ending” Killer)
Wade is now a year-and-a-half sober ever since that night. He has gotten 40% custody of his kids back, and what he values the most, he still has his life. The only musician Wade would ever get a tattoo for is Tech N9ne, located on his neck. Tech is the realest MC he has ever heard and he saved his life. To show his full appreciation for Tech, Wade now buys seven copies of all of Tech’s albums. Wade states,
“Technician I am, Technician I will always be. I owe my life to Tech. Aa-ooo! Aa-ooo! Aa-oo!”
We hear many words from Tech’s albums. Tech can capture a darkness so many of us have been to, have felt, and have lost ourselves to. With Tech N9ne’s music we feel his channeled pain, hurt, and anger, His music not only makes us bounce, but also reaches deep into our souls. In this case, his music saved Wade Abbas’ life.
– Written by Marissa Knight